Maybe you can’t reach for the stars…Yet. But can you reach for a next best feeling?
Don’t you just want to scream when someone tells you to “just get over it” or “it isn’t that bad” or “why can’t you just be happy?”
That advice is especially FRUSTRATING when ALL YOU REALLY WANT is to HOLD IT TOGETHER so you can MAKE IT THROUGH the NEXT 10 MINUTES without FALLING APART.
I’m a HUGE PROPONENT of positive affirmations, but I’m also VERY REALISTIC about what I am affirming.
I do not believe in toxic positivity.
You just can’t go from the depths of despair to the blissful land of rainbows and unicorns simply by repeating a bunch of happy words to yourself.
I do, however believe that you can raise your mood incrementally.
Ever heard of the Abraham Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale?
It’s kinda like a ladder. The lowest emotions, Fear/Grief/Desperation/Despair/Powerlessness, are at the very bottom rung of the ladder. As you reach for the next best feeling, you can move through the ladder to the top rung of Joy/Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Love.
The Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale
- Joy/Appreciation/Empowerment/Freedom/Love
- Passion
- Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
- Positive Expectation/Belief
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
- Overwhelment (feeling overwhelmed)
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred/Rage
- Jealousy
- Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
- Fear/Grief/Desperation/Despair/Powerlessness
Stuffing the emotion does not make it go away.
In order to get through a feeling or emotion, you really have to sit with it, get curious about it, own it. But even spending time with that challenging emotion doesn’t calapult you to feeling happy, joyous, and free.
Reaching for the next best emotion rather than forcing yourself to skip over the what’s in between feelings is a much easier, healthier way to move from despair to happiness.
Here’s an real life example:
I was on vacation during a week that my ex husband had custody of our daughter. Her school principal called to tell me Willow had expressed suicidal ideation. I wanted to come home, but it was Dick’s custody week and he refused to let her leave his house.
I was in Cancun feeling fear and powerlessness. There was no way a positive affirmation could make me let it go and feel joy.
But over the next few days, I did reach for the next best feelings:
1 – GUILT and RAGE that I couldn’t find a way to get the custody order changed and that I even if I did catch the next plane home that Dick had already refused to let me see Willow during his custody week,
2 – HATRED toward Dick for the way he treated Willow and how he’d take his animosity toward me out on her,
3 – WORRY over Willow,
4 –FRUSTRATION that I was out of the country, but even if I was at home I wouldn’t be allowed to hug my daughter until the following Monday,
5 – CONTENTMENT that I was in a beautiful place while I waited to see Willow again.
In this terrifying situation, I wasn’t able to get to joy, but I was able to reach some next best feelings to move up the ladder and get myself out of the bowels of despair.
Sometimes that’s the best you can do. And on those days, you have compassion for yourself and feel good about what you are able to accomplish.
Do the next best feeling action you can take and feel good about that!
