How do you reconcile being kind, loving, and forgiving toward EVERYONE when you have been hurt by an intimate partner who is a narcissist, an abuser, the source of trauma, and the person who promised to always love you?
I have struggled with forgiving my abuser for a many years.
I want to be a good person.
I want to forgive, to love, to be kind.
But it is SO DAMN HARD with HIM.
It had been at least 8 years out of the marriage before the idea of forgiving Dick was even something I would remotely consider.
Once at a recovery meeting, the topic was on forgiveness. I boldly stated that I would NEVER forgive my ex-husband for alienating my daughters from me.
As I began working my program, I started doing all the shadow work to heal myself and guide Willow’s healing. I began to realize that to fully heal, I would need to be willing to forgive Dick.
I just didn’t understand… How do you forgive your abuser?
Some months later, while in meditation teacher training, someone asked this very question to our teacher, Roger Gabriel, who had an answer that resonated with me.
Maybe it will resonate with you, too.
Roger so eloquently used this analogy:
When you see a tiger, you can appreciate its magnificence, its beauty, its place in our environment. You can even love the tiger.
However, you certainly wouldn’t run up to this wild animal and start hugging it because you know that it would be harmful, even dangerous for you to do that.
It took some time, but today, I am finally able to feel this way toward my abusive ex husband. I think about interacting with Dick like I would interact with a tiger.
Dick’s behavior toward me and our 3 daughters caused so much suffering, dread, pain, fear, anxiety, depression.
Still, the fact is, like the tiger, Dick is a child of the universe (God, higher power, whatever you choose to call the source of our existence). I can appreciate this creation – the human being, Dick.
And, because he is a child of the divine, I can forgive him and even love him.
However, I don’t have to get close enough to him to let myself be mistreated.
