I used to think that surrender was a bad word. I equated it to failure, loss, and not being enough.
“Gina, you lose!”
“Gina, you failed!”
“Gina, you suck!”
I thought it meant to admit weakness or concede defeat; to yield or give in: to relinquish just a little bit more of my value, my self worth and my being to the greedy clutches of my abusive ex-husband.
I imagined myself waving a white flag from a foxhole as he laughed at me in all the glory of his latest victory, while I backed down and gave in.
I’d be emotionally deflated… again.
And once more, I’d succumb to his authority, to the gaslighting and abuse.
Today, I have a wildly different perception of SURRENDER*.
Today, I know that when I surrender (to the universe, a higher power, God, nature) I can let go of working so hard to prove or defend myself.
I can stop struggling.
I can stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and stop wasting so much of my precious energy fighting a battle I cannot win.
I’m not giving in to my abuser and I’m not losing anything.
Surrender, I have learned from my meditation teacher, Roger Gabriel at Chopra, is a softening into beingness, releasing the overwhelm and desperation.
When I surrender, I find strength and answers within me.
Today, rather than fighting surrender, I follow the advice of author and inspirational speaker, Gabby Bernstein,
When I think I have surrendered, I surrender more.
When I surrender, I win.
When I surrender, I succeed.
Surrendering is where the magic happens. It’s where I gain my strength. And, when I surrender, I am unstoppable.
*Please note that surrender isn’t staying in a dangerous situation. If you are in danger, call a local hotine or the US National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
